Sunday, September 04, 2005

Rain, Rain Go Away...

It seems like when we entered Thailand, things became blocked. We've lost our forward momentum. The problem is, we're not sure about what's next. Our plans have changed a number times: we would have been in Laos at this moment but for the monsoon season... we thought we'd jaunt down to Indonesia because it's dry there, but we are still talking about other options: Myanmar? No, it's raining there too... Nepal to Tibet? What - are we crazy!?! We were so close to that region at the beginning of the trip. Plus it's raining there, too, I think... Ack! The rain!

The weather and the lack of direction have got us down. Neither Benjamin or I appear to have any energy, zest, zeal... Perhaps it's the '6-month doldrums'. Could it be that (dare I say it) we are a bit road wary? Or maybe it's because we are back in Bangkok (this is the place we always end up when we are in-between places) and there are no new novelties left to excite us.

For the first time since we started our travels, we look to the future and see emptiness. At the moment, there is no schedule to plan, tickets to book, things to do... and the irony of it is that we have all the freedom in the world to do anything we want! And yet, it feels like we're trapped... by the rain, by indecision, by fatigue. Strange.

Perhaps when I'm back at work, when my travels are over, and I'm feeling glum about the day-in-day-out, I'll remember this moment and it will brighten my day just an ounce: knowing that the feeling can happen even when you have all 24 hours of a day at your disposal and the world at your fingertips. Maybe it sounds depressing to realize you can feel dull in such a situation, but I think it's more of a reassurance than anything: that feeling dull is normal and unavoidable and it doesn't mean that life sucks, but just that life sucks for the moment. (Incidentally -- I don't feel like life sucks right now: remember, I'm talking about the day-in-day-out work-a-day world back home...)

I do realize we lucky we are to be where we are, doing what we're doing and I don't want to waste another minute feeling bored or stagnant, the rain be damned!

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